Jonah Hill & Morgan Freeman
"Your dress is too short."
Thanks, the designer used your dick for inspiration.
Cinderella Pencil Test
this is your periodic reminder that old-timey medicines did not fuck around
THE NOISES I AM MAKING
someone put flowers in my beard pls
"im not a feminist"
You would think that teenagers would be the most rudest customers when really it’s mostly old, middle-aged people.
ALWAYS. Middle aged white women are the fucking worst, they think they’re entitled to everything
floridian view of the sky & the ocean… i’m swooning
for chinese new year they get all these famous actors and comedians together and they do a lil show and one of the comedians was like “i was in a hotel in america once and there was a mouse in my room so i called reception except i forgot the english word for mouse so instead i said ‘you know tom and jerry? jerry is here’
jerry is here
Didnt I say you were grounded
drop a heart
break a nameeeeeee
[FALL OUT BOY INTENSIFIES]
WERE ALWAYS SLEEPING IN AND WERE SLEEPING FOR THE WRONG TEAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMM
#headcanon that when stark restarts shield#and brings nick back in#he sets up nick’s computer access so it follows his good eye#and whatever pops does so in front of him#wherever he’s looking#and also takes into account any depth perception issues due to only having the one eye#and tony just does it because he sort of makes for easier user access because he imagines no one else gets as much done as he does#he does the same thing for bruce’s computer access at the tower#doing research and eliminating triggers and flashing things from the interface#and generally subtly eliminating stress-inducing material#i just really like my headcanon that tony knows his friends have disabilities and works to accommodate them#and also sometimes he sends pepper in to give bruce a hug#because bruce needs hugs#and pepper is very good at them
I went camping when I was 6 and a bear came into my tent and I had never heard anyone snore before but I had read the Sunday comics so I layed down and started saying Z Z Z really loudly because it’s always in caps in the comics. I was yelling Z so loudly. It was really loud and the bear cried and it was really loud